Communication skills are an essential skill for any area in your life. Today we have guest post from Edward Ezeanu who outlines 3 interesting paths to brilliant social interactions. Take it away, Edward!
I believe that, for many of us, our typical interactions with other people could be much better.
I mean, “How are you?”, “Nice weather we’re having!” or “Have you seen X movie?” are all good pieces of conversation, but they don’t engage or inspire much. There’s something missing from our social interactions: a sparkle, a touch of brilliance. It’s simply not there but there is the potential for it to be.
Most of my work involves helping others to be more confident in social situations and have amazing social interactions. There are various paths to achieving this but in time I realized that 3 such paths work brilliantly.
Path 1: Tapping Your Social Intuition
Social intuition is a natural social ability that we all have. It acts as an internal compass that shows us the best course at any stage in a social interaction. It tells us what to say, how to say it and when to say it to produce optimal outcomes.
Unfortunately, for many of us, our social intuition is heavily clogged by strict social norms that we’re learned growing up, as well as various limiting beliefs we’ve acquired. And these end up guiding us more than our intuition, leading us towards a rigid and miscalculated style of social behavior, which in turn disrupts relationships.
This is why it’s important for us to get more in touch with our social intuition. The best way I know for doing this is by searching for that deepest voice within yourself when you’re interacting with someone, listening to what it’s telling you and letting it guide you.
Because that deepest voice, that social instinct hiding within all the layers of social rules and stereotypes, is your social intuition. It will not lead you astray. And the more you practice listening to it, the easier it will be to hear it.
Path 2: Becoming More Authentic
Another social phenomenon, linked to the previous one, is our frequent tendency to put on a mask when dealing with other people, and behave in an inauthentic way. We do this because we’re afraid that others will not like us the way we are, and we want to avoid that.
The problem of interacting in this way is that it makes it impossible to build deep relationships with other people and our social interactions are stale. They lack any brilliance. So one of the best exercises you can do is to consciously take more risks in social interactions by being more authentic.
Perhaps you want to express a certain opinion but you’re restraining yourself because you’re worried that the other person might think badly of you for having that opinion. Well, don’t do that! Stop restraining yourself, assume that risk, and speak your mind candidly but respectfully.
Being more genuine and authentic will allow the unique you to really shine Ultiimately, that’s what spices up a social interaction and that’s what many people will love about you. Another benefit is that your social interactions will feel livelier and you’ll seem like a real person, not a cardboard cutout.
Path 3: Expanding Your Life
To a large extent, the quality of your conversations and interactions with other people are a reflection of the quality of your life as a whole. In order to make your social interactions more brilliant, it often pays to make your lifestyle more brilliant. Your social interactions will naturally be enhanced following your own personal transformation.
Think about someone that you know who you feel has an incredible lifestyle. They’re usually more confident, more interesting, wittier and more charismatic than your average person. Talking with them is a delight.
Create for yourself one big cake of a life. Learn, challenge yourself, try new things and follow your passions. Travel, read, have hobbies, meet new people, do things few people do. You’ll have interesting stories to share with others, more profound ideas to express and a much better ability to articulate them. All of this will make your social interactions more brilliant.
Combining the Paths
Now, think for a second about the way these 3 paths can work combined. Together, they help you develop a style of social behavior that’s well calibrated (because it’s powered by intuition), authentic, and interesting at the same time.
Few people can match this and few people develop the quality of relationships that you can build this way. If you follow these 3 paths I’m certain that your relationships in all areas of life will reach a whole new level. Try it out for yourself.
Eduard Ezeanu coaches others in developing a variety of social skills, from being witty to creating an emotional connection, from empathy to storytelling. He believes that social ineptitude of any degree can be corrected with practice and under the right guidance.
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Increasing my social skills is something that I am certainly working on improving. I love the idea of your 3 paths to improvement. It really seems like these could work well, thanks for sharing!
Awesome, SJ! Good luck I’d I love to hear how you go with them!
I’m no expert in social interactions, but I can tell you that wearing a mask is no fun. (…and it’s sweaty too). Your point about the creating a cake is so true. It’s those people that’s we’re “trying to impress” that so often tell us, “Well… you can’t have your cake and eat it too.” But we either need to toss that cake in their face, or like you said, “Create for yourself one big cake of a life.”
Indeed, I love Eduard’s analogy! It’s all about being your unique, authentic self… it’s the only true way to happiness.